It has taken me quite some time to learn how to enjoy myself alone, and it’s just because I never learnt how to do so when younger. You know, I didn’t grow up in a numerous household nor anything similar, however, I was seldom alone, since mom, being a school teacher, she had the same schedule as I did, so we practically shared all afternoons together.
Then, one day I got married and found myself alone at times, yet, since I was a working girl, the amount of times it happened were very slim. However, when the marriage was over and I was living with no one else but me for the first time in my life, then, I would say things changed vastly, since I had to take care of everything by myself, starting with the groceries, and that, had never happened before. Now, as I look back I remember thinking how hard those days were. I made plans with friends all the time to avoid feeling lonely, however, the truth was I didn’t know how to be with myself.
But time helps one heal and learn, and so I did, both… My soul healed from the bitter moment and I learned to do almost everything I had to or needed to without the presence of anyone else. Yet, there were two things I would avoid at all costs: Going to a restaurant and going to a movie alone.
The restaurant thing I still think it’s more fun when there is someone else to talk to, but if I find myself wanting a specific meal I will go on my own if there is no company available. What I will do if it’s a casual place is to invite a book to the table and read while I eat, so maybe there is an opportunity to improve in this aspect… maybe it’s even time to have a date with myself and treat me to a dinner somewhere just me and myself.
But the movies, that was a whole other story. I remember when I was younger hearing someone say he or she had been to the movies alone and thinking what a sad situation that was, since one had no one to talk about the movie afterwards, and the popcorn, they had been unshared… so many stupid clichés. For my limited vision the movie theater was something to enjoy with your family or friends, for couples to go and enjoy a couple of hours of holding one another in silence while watching the big screen. Oh, nonsense!
Then I found myself in Paris. Yes, I was not alone here, but I ended up being alone every time my partner in crime had to go out of town and sometimes there were films I wanted to watch. But hey, we don’t even like the same movie genres. It is actually difficult to choose common ground. We always do, but then there are so many that neither one nor the other watches because of giving in and trying to find something neutral that we’ll both enjoy. I wanted to watch ‘The Artist’. Everyone was talking about it. There was no language problem for it was a silent movie. In the end, I decided to go watch it during one of those out-of-town assignments. Since I was still not very literate in city geography and knowing what was where, I ended up in a very crappy movie theater. The place was packed and there were no numbered places, so I ended up sitting where there was a free seat. A few moments later, a man in probably his late twenties or early thirties sat on the seat to my right. He had a backpack. Nothing out of the ordinary. The lights went out and the projection started. He opened his bag and he took out a beer can, A BEER CAN. So weird. He started drinking it until he finished it. The man took out a second beer. I was getting impatient to get out of that place even though I enjoyed the movie. It felt strange, but I said to myself it was probably because I was in a new country. With time and more knowingly, I found movie theaters at which I felt more comfortable to go alone. I gave it a chance and soon found myself taking on this solo movie afternoon or evening every time I found myself alone in the city. It gave me a chance to watch the chick flicks and laugh or cry as need there’d be. I think it even helped me be more open to other movies when going as a couple.
Yes, I enjoy going to the movies with my better half and my friends, but my solo movie Saturday afternoon is something I do every chance I get now. Such a great learning experience, such a nice feeling, that even now, as I write about it, makes me crack a smile. I think it may be part of that growing up part I’m still figuring out although I have been up for quite some time. Hahaha!
I don’t know my dear reader if you have ever given yourself this chance, but if you haven’t, please do so. Oh, and if on the other hand you see me flying solo on my movie night, don’t feel bad, know that I am probably having a date with myself and be sure I am having fun.
